Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
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