my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
