Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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