She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
