yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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