we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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