The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
