miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
