apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
