Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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