im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
