he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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