Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
