real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
