it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
You took a bar mat shot.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
