I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
