New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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