Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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