We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Pants are for mortals
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Randomize
