My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
