I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
