You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
