Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
