When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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