PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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