I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
