The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I looked at my own cervix.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
