did you get engaged???
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
