oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
