So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
