Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Just took my morning after pill in the library
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
