He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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