I think im going to throw up on grandma
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
