I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
