im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
