yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
