when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
