Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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