Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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