Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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