my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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