Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
