Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
