Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Randomize
