my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
