I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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