It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Can you bring me the toilet please
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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