I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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