well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize