Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
