You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
