He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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