so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
