Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
