Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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