Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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