Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
