WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
