dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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