Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
