Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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