Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
