My Higher Power is John Stamos
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Success! We fucked roommates!
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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