If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
