I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
