My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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