Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize