Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
