Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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