I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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