Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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