Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize